Chapter five -شَقاء-

Heyy!

How are you guys?

Mbarak 3alaikom alshahar w alah y3ena 3ala 9yama w 8eyama;*

I just wanted to say that i won't post a lot during ramdhan.. Ma wede a7reg hal shahar bl posts w hal suwalef.. Wela shraykom?

Yala enjoy;**

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"W awal le8a2 lena khala9.. Rdait albent w ana ath7ak, ma 3omry 7sait eb hal sh3our..

W kalemataa tdour w tdour b3gly.."

We became really close to each other..

I really don't imagine my time or my day without him! Simply.. He became ma everything..

Bdait akheth ra7ty weya w gemt wayed a6la3 weyah..

9ert akthar jur2a blbsy w eb kalamy..

I always loved his smile when he looks at me.. I loved his personality.. I loved the way he cares about me.. 

I spend all the day jbal al laptop just to talk to him.. Ma kent a6la3 bara..

...: muneeraaah 

Bsmellah al ra7man alra7em, sh9ayer bldenyaa? Awal mara ome tdesh 3alay..

Me: hala yuma

Mama: ana cham mara gayltlich la tgoulen yuma?? Fehmay ana ma a7ebich

Estaghfaralllaaah, alah y9ebrne..

Me: enshallaah..

Mama: yaya agoulich tara ekhtich rawan wledat

Me: oh mabrouk

She ignored me.. W 6le3at.. 

Bthech alfatra ma kent akalem wala wa7da men 5awaty, kel wa7da lahya weya raylha w 3yalha w sh'3lha..

Wana 3ende jassim ele mghanene 3anhom kelhom.. 

I went to the hospital to see rawan & her new baby.. 

Tbh i was happy.. I mean its a baby! A gift from god! 

Me: alf mabrouk rawan, w al7imidallah 3ala salamtich yal ghalyaa;**

Rawan: alah ysalmich 7abeebty w mashkoura 3al ward w alyaya;**

Me: ma swait shayy, yala khal nshoufhaaaa :D

Rawan: hahaha enshallah..

She took her baby & kissed her..

She was so beautiful! God bless her<3

I gave my mom a look..

Ena shoufay kahe yabat bent w 7abtha wala sawat feha methel ma swaitay fene..

She ignored my looks & just called me dad to tell him ena rawan yabat baby..

As usually.. 

He didn't care at all..

7eta mabrouk ma gaaal::

Typical baba! 

i wanted to know why?

Laish kel ma wa7da men khawaty tolad etdeg 3ala obouy? W kel mara ma eyy wala ygoul mabrouk!

Yemkin tt6leb ehtemama w 7uba? 

Bas a7es 3omra al7ub w alehtemam ma yen6leb men shakh9! 3adel? 

W khala9na est8bal ekhty w sowalef w 3awar alrass.. 

Rawan: uff yarabe muneraah ta3bana! Mane gadra agoum walaa..

Me: ba3ad shetsawen ta7mlaay, w yala btrden weyanaaa albaait! Ya men 7athy a7ad ywansne shway bedal hal thega ele ana feehaa!!

Rawan: haha 7ayatty entay;** ma 3alaih alah y9abrech 9ara7aaa

Me: ta3wdt ba3aad::

Rawan: haha..

She came back home with us! 

You can say that im the happiest girl alive now! 

Ahhh i needed someone to talk to in this fucxing house!

I hate u mom! 

Men kether ma ana lahyaa eb albaby w my sister rawan, ma 9ert a7achy jassim wayed.. 

Bas still wayed afaker feeh..

Me: rawan ana mestghreba!

Rawan: men?

Me: raylich!

Rawan: shfeeh rayle?

Me: 6oul fatrat alnfas ma yana ela martain? Wain ga3den e7na ma yabe yshoufich ye6man 3alaich? Aw 3ala al8al ya3nee yshouf albaby! 

Rawan: khaleh ywaleee, 3asah ma yah enshallah w 3abalich hamny? Akher ehtemamy ehwa taraa

Me: wayy mashallaah 3alaich!!

Rawan: enzain yala ehwa na6rny baraaa

Me: dere balich 3aala al9ghayrouna haa w boulah 3alaikom wayed wayed, wanstouny 7ail tara! Zourona 3ad haa

Rawan: 7abeebty wala akeed, yala nshoufich enshallaah;** ma3a alsalmaa;*

Radat rawan 7ag baitha w raylha wana rdait 7aag jassim..

3araftt ena kan 3enda ma7al ybe3 fe talephonaat..

Galy ena ma3asha wayed zain w merta7..

I knew it men lama sheft his car..

He also told me ena 3enda shalaih..

Tbh tmnait law a3esh 3eshta law thanya bas.. 

W ga3adt ad3y alah ena y9er men n9eby..

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Comment please!

Much love, 

Farah<3 

Chapter four -شَقاء-

Heyy!:D

how are you guys?

Enjoyyy w give me ur feedback please:*

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"i was super happy that i'm going to meet him.. I picked up the prettiest dress that i have.. Ma3na i don't have a lot of dresses because of my mom..

She dosen't even give me money to buy something for my self.."

I went to him with my old car.. 

Ele trajyt obouy ya36ene bas alfain 3ashan ashtreha w agdar arou7 alma3had ele adres feeh..

3eshta tga9er al3omr!

Tefajaa2t lama sheft his car, chena fe a7ad 6agne s6ar 3ala wayhe!!!

Ehwa bsayrta alydeda w atwa8a3 a5er model nzal bl soug, wana w hal sayara almsakreba.. Huh..

He opened the door for me 3ashan arkab..

He was very tall & very thin.. 

He was handsome.. Baby face!

A very dark -black- hair!

He finally spoke..

Jassim: wa25eran shfteech? Ma bghayna?

Me: hehe ee!

I was extremely shy wede al arth tnshag w tebla3ny:')

Jassim: ma kent metwa8e3 eneich jamela chthy mashallah, alah ya7fthich

Me: shukran:D

7ail estanas lama he told me hal 7achy, la2ana 6oul 3omry kent ma7roma mena wala a7ad 8adar jamaly, w ya jassim w 3awthne 3an kel hal 7eraman..

I told him 3an wath3y eb baitna, 3an omy ele tekrahne w t3amlny chene 5adama aw bl a9a7 aswa2 men al5adama..

Faj2aa..

Jassim: enzain muneerah entay t7benha?

I was very shocked, actually i never asked my self this question.. 

She was a strict women but in a harsh way! 

Men al9a3eb ena a7d y7bha!

How can i love her w ehya 7eta aljeran ma slemaw menha w men 7antha? 

Shloun a7bha w al5adam ele 3endna kelhom yn7ashoun men lsanha w men mo3amltha?

Shloun a7bha w ehya abadan ma 36fat 3alay wala galatly kelma 7elwa?

Shloun w shloun w shloun?..

Jassim knew the answer men 3youny..

3araf ena my parents ehma alshay ele a5fa eb 7ayaaty ma3ana mafrouth ehma akthar alnas ele a7es bl aman weyhom.. 

Mafrouth ehma ele arou7lhom lama tegsa 3alay aldenya bas ehma kanaw al8aswa bm3nahaa..

3o8bha 7alaft ene law tezawj w yebt banat ba5alehom ameraat w awafer lehom kel ele yabouna w a76ehom kel ele yabouna! Men gal فاقدُ الشيء لا يعطيه؟

bas ana 3ende yegdar ya36y law ehwa yaby..

Mara at3bhom wala athrhom..

La2ana ana albent ele tharouha agrab alnas laha..

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W awal le8a2 lena khala9.. Rdait albent w ana ath7ak, ma 3omry 7sait eb hal sh3our..

W kalemataa tdour w tdour b3gly.. 

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Comment please!

Much love, 

Farah<3

Chapter three -شَقاء-

Enjoyy;**

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"My sister rawan brought me a new laptop men mahrhaa! I was so so happy..

fa 9ert ag3ad bdary aghlab alwagt w al3aab feeh.."

We are all them same, okay not all of us bas alghlab.. We run away from our real life, to a fake life that is full of lies & sh*t.. 

i made a fake account ,wrote a fake name w 76ait fake picture 7ag actress teshbahne..

I chatted with alot of people about many many things..

Me: so tell me nasser, how old r u?

Nasser: 29

Me: mashallah al3omer kela..

Nasser: weyach

Me: ma getlay wain tsht'3l?

Nasser: sharekat alfalni

Me: aha, okay yala bye..

and it goes on..

that was me, every single day..

different boy, different name..

& im 100% that all of them are lying about their ages &names.. 

Somehow i found myself stalking this guy, i care about him a lot.. 

Bl 3ada i just talk to them for once or twice then i completely forget about them..

Why cant i forget him?

Why?

Days passed & passed..

Lama 9ar ehwa alwa7eed ele aklma.. Shay ana kelesh ma twa83ta a9lan, 9erna grab men ba3ath 7aaaaylll w ajabel my laptop 7ag the whole day bas 3ashan a7acheh..

Sadly, this summer khala9 w bedat alderasaa w beda alkaraf.. Fa kent lazem ahed my laptop shway..

I was so depressed, because i can't talk to him all the time.. I have school & stuff to do.. 

Kent an6er al lail na6ra bas 3ashan aklma..

Jassim: muneerah khala9 bas tara wala mlait, 9arly sh'hour a7achech hne! Tukfain 3a6ene ra8michh b7achech!

Me: e7na shgelna jassim? Bas cham mara tan8shna eb hal mawthou3!

Jassim: tukfain muneerah wala bas aklmich mara7 asawe shay, wela mo wath8a b7be lech?

Me: enzain khala9 okay!!

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he called me, when i first heard his voice i felt good, like really really good. He brought me back to life.. 

His voice was flawless, he was my one & only..

A gift from god, to me.

I loved him with all my power.. 

He actually stole whats left of my heart..

Jassim: e7m, alsalam 3alaikom

Me: w 3alykom alsalam

Jassim: shlounich mnueerah?

Me: zaina al7imdallah w enta?

Jassim: 6ayeb bedam ene sema3t hal 9out..

Me: hehehe:D

Jassim: muneeraah bagoulich shay, tara ana m6aleg.. W 3ende wldain.. Wa7ed 3omra 5 sneen w althane 3..

Me: laish shnu almushkela ele 9arat?

Jassim: tzawjt w ana 9gher, w murty kanat wayed 3asraaa w kel youm nethawash, houshtna ma tkhale9.. Fa 6algtha!  

Me: weee, w 3yalk 3ende mnu?

Jassim: 3ende ana, obouy metwafe fa ana saken weya omouy w ehya tder balha 3alaihom..

Me: humm mashallah alah ykhaleha lik

Jassim: w ykhalich ley!

Me: ameen!

Jassim: enzain muneerah ba6leb menech 6alab?

Me: amer?

Jassim: ma yamer 3alaich 3adu wala thalem, abe ashoufich!!

I was shocked, like no how may9er???!!!

Chena wayed mesta3yel?

Me: la la jassim ma agdar!

Jassim: w ghalaty 3endich w rabe mara7 asawy shay!!

Me: efhmne ana ma agdar!!!!

Jassim: w rabyyy w 8asam bela mane jaysich!!!!!!!!! Bas bashoufich tokfain..

Me: ufff khala9 ok..

Ba3ad 7anetaa ele ma tkhale9 e8tana3t ene ashoufaa eb mawa8ef a7d almadares bl kuwait..

I was super happy that i'm going to meet him.. I picked up the prettiest dress that i have.. Ma3na i don't have a lot of dresses because of my mom..

She dosen't even give me money to buy something for my self..

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Please comment!

Much love,

Farah<3 

Chapter two -شَقاء-

Enjoyyy;*

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"I kept praying everyday &everynight to get out from this house.."

All my sisters got married, except of me & rawan..

 

My sister, Rawan kanat ash6ar wa7da fena, fa dashat alkuleya ele tabeha w ele t7bha..

& suddenly..

"Muneeeraa muneeeraaaa"

Me: hala rawaan sh9ayrr shfeech?

Rawan: tathkren ele getlich 3ana?

Me: ay wa7ed?

Rawan: hathak ele weyay bl jam3a!

Me: ee shfee?

Rawan: gale a7ebich!

Me: men 9ijich entay?? Tara hatha 9gher w law b7ebich meta by56bich? Ehwa 7eta ma3ash al7een ma 3enda!

Rawan: wala kaify 3ad!

Days & days passed, 

Rawan became so close with this nameless guy.. she can't imagine her day without talking to him or even seing him at the college..

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"Salamt 7abeby mu 3ala b3thk salamat, salamat ashouf al7ezn b3younik salaamt.."

.. Ana khala9 gelt kel ele 3endy w ehwa ra7 eyy y56bich w maku ay kelma thanya, fahma? 

Rawan: bas yuuba alrayal mo 3ajbnee??? Rayle wela raylik???

baba: ba3ad t6wlen lsanich 3alay? Shoufay a5er tarbitich yaa maram (mama) a5er zmaaan wala, goumay 6esaay w al athnen beyounich taraa shoufilich shay sana3 talbesna!

Rawan: bas yubaa abe akml derasty! Ma ta3abt w yebt mo3adal akher shay atzwaaj w ma akmel derasty!

Baba: goulela btkmlen derastch shfeha ya3ne?

Rawan: ef eff!!! 

Baba: bas shoufay en swaitly 7arakt mene menaaak w ma rthaity ana bnafse b6l3ich men aljam3a, fahma?

Rawan: khala9 enshallah..

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.. Muneera ma a7ebaa w im 100% sure ena ehwa ma y7bne!! Ma agdar agreb 9oubaaa wai3 muneera khala9 ma agdaar! Wala kelma 7elwa galyy men awal ma 5thany? Laish ya3ne laish? 

Tadreen shnu atmana? Atmana ymout!! Ee ee akrha ley darajt almouuut:)

Me: bas rawan shetsawen ba3ad hatha raylich w lazem tt7mlena, 7awlay tghayrena ttgrbain mena?

Rawan: 3abalich ma 7awalt? Maku ma yenfa3 weyaah!

Me: alah y3enich..

Rawan: w azedich men alshe3er bait, ana 7amel menaa! 

Me: alaaaaaah ya far7ty ba9er 5alaaa men a7la ekhet:D

Rawan: bas ana khayfa ene akrah hal walad men raylee!

Me: 7araam latkhrena.. Lay9er nafse ma7ad y7eba men ahla..

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 now me & my mom are alone in this house..

God!

It was summer.. & it was my bd! Im finally 17..

As usal no one wished me a happy birthday aw shay..

I was pretty, so so pretty.. Ajmal 5awaty kelhom..

7awalt atgarab men omy b7okm ena 9erna ana weyaha bl bait brou7na, bas kel mara tred ta7grne.. 

My sister rawan brought me a new laptop men mahrhaa! I was so so happy..

fa 9ert ag3ad bdary aghlab alwagt w al3aab feeh..

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Comment please;*

Much love,

Farah<3 

Chapter one -شَقاء-

Hii!I'm finally back, i miss writing so much!!Hope you enjoy this story!&dont forget to comment;*

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 "Why do i look like this?

Why do they hate me?"

I kept thinking & thinking &thinking..

But guess what? I didn't find any answers for my questions as usual.. 

*So im muneera, im 20 years old.. I have a black long hair which i love & a black eyes.. Normal nose & a small mouth..

                   -Flash back-

"Wala ana ele malat 3alay w 3ala 7athy ele 5alany ayeebch bedal alwalaaad! Zain chthy al7eeen??? Estanstaay lama oboch 5atha wa7da thanya 3alay? Shbegolon alnas? Bent al3ez w ala9el rayelha yakheth 3alaiha? 7asbeya alah3alaich, la entay bentay wlany a3rfech!!!!!" 

W hathy est6want mama ele kel youm tgoulha..

ITS NOT MY FAULT!!!! I DIDN'T CHOOSE TO BE A "GIRL" i swear to god it isn't my fault.. 

please god help me, be by my side because i can't take this anymore..

I didn't feel that i have a mother at all, shay y3awer that i have her &i see her every day but i can't talk to her..

I was mentally & physically sick..

One evening i heard her screming & crying her heart out..

"Ma draitaawww?????? Mert obokom alnesraa 7malaaat!!!!! Laa w 7amel bl walad ba3aad elee yabe oboukoom!! Ele ygoul 3ane naag9a 3ashan ma yebtla eyaah!! 7asbeya allah 3alaich ya mneeeera, tha3y3tay bait kaaamilll!!"

W bedat t6gny chena ley thanb ya3ne..

Typical mama..

Oh & i wass 9 years old.. 

Broken & sad kid because of this mother..

3endy 6 khawat w ana alsab3a, u can't say that i love them.. But what can i do? I don't have anyone else to talk to or to take care of me.. 

When i was 9 my big sister took care of me.. but then she got married..

So my sister ele a9ghar menhaa gamat tder balha 3alaay.. 

& it goes on..

Lama bgayt ana w my sister ele akbar mene bl bait..

                 *4 years later*

my step mother yabat walad thany.. 

w zeyarat my dad 7agna wayed 5afat, bas gam eyena bl 3ed.. Bl mo5ta9ar bl munasbaat!

Obouy thal ya9ref 3alaina lama gam y7es ena baitna 9ar shay wajeb w shay 9a3eb yet7mla.. 

Fa ma gam ya9ref 3alaina abadan wala 7eta yzourna..

I kept praying everyday &everynight to get out from this house..

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Comment please!

Much love,

Farah<3